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I am 29 today. . On this age, I want to trust the process more. All of those soul-crushing, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking moments. Taking my time to understand that some things must be broken to take new shape, including me. Diamonds form under pressure and grapes need to be crushed to make wine. I hope these and those hard, grueling times are a catalyst to form a better, greater me. "I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - to a better shape." . Again, today I am going to relish in greetings and loves sent by the people who still think of me in this day and age. Thank you for the past full of lessons. Cheers for the exciting future ❤ . (((I cut my bangs weeks ago 💇 and yes I have mismatched eyelids with unruly hair. NOTHING CAN TAME ME loljk)))

A post shared by ＴＡＮＮＹＡ ＡＤＩＴＹＡ™ (@tannyaaditya) on


I turned 29 last Friday. Looking back, I still stand by what I've said. My life has been okay despite the neverending turmoil. There were times I thought I'll never be able to make it through. But I did. There were times I thought that I'm going crazy due to everything. But then when I remember them, I chuckle. The struggle is indeed essential for living. I have been thinking a lot about the period between wanting, realizing, and having since last year. I began to realize that the process is just as sweet and rewarding as the result later. I think all of the frustrations and despairs and anger and confusions are also essential to thrive, bloom, and evolve. I hope this new age would make me welcome the grueling and prevailing process of becoming.

PROCESS. My keyword for this age.


We find true contentment when we can embrace the fact
that life is a never-ending work in progress.
— Kelsey Clark.


So yeah, a little update. Things have been quiet on this blog since there is a lot on my plate right now. A combination of relentless rainy days, grandfather moved into our house, neverending adjustment, minor earthquake for three days straight, and staying sane above it all. It's been a pretty smooth transition, to say the least. Everything has been good, albeit not easy. But we thrive. My days are filled with mundane, boring routine (and cats, more cats) in which I am grateful for. One less thing to be frustrated on, no? And the blog has been taken quite a hit. I stopped updating monthly movie recap (please go to my letterboxd instead) because it feels too comfortable. I want to get back into the hang of writing usual monthly recap again. But alas, I failed on the first month already. I'm also behind on blog walking but I promise I'll get back to everyone real quick.

In the meantime, I hope you are well. And thank you for everything. Be back soon! 👌💓💋

29

2/20/2018

, ,

I am 29 today. . On this age, I want to trust the process more. All of those soul-crushing, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking moments. Taking my time to understand that some things must be broken to take new shape, including me. Diamonds form under pressure and grapes need to be crushed to make wine. I hope these and those hard, grueling times are a catalyst to form a better, greater me. "I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - to a better shape." . Again, today I am going to relish in greetings and loves sent by the people who still think of me in this day and age. Thank you for the past full of lessons. Cheers for the exciting future ❤ . (((I cut my bangs weeks ago 💇 and yes I have mismatched eyelids with unruly hair. NOTHING CAN TAME ME loljk)))

A post shared by ＴＡＮＮＹＡ ＡＤＩＴＹＡ™ (@tannyaaditya) on


I turned 29 last Friday. Looking back, I still stand by what I've said. My life has been okay despite the neverending turmoil. There were times I thought I'll never be able to make it through. But I did. There were times I thought that I'm going crazy due to everything. But then when I remember them, I chuckle. The struggle is indeed essential for living. I have been thinking a lot about the period between wanting, realizing, and having since last year. I began to realize that the process is just as sweet and rewarding as the result later. I think all of the frustrations and despairs and anger and confusions are also essential to thrive, bloom, and evolve. I hope this new age would make me welcome the grueling and prevailing process of becoming.

PROCESS. My keyword for this age.


We find true contentment when we can embrace the fact
that life is a never-ending work in progress.
— Kelsey Clark.


So yeah, a little update. Things have been quiet on this blog since there is a lot on my plate right now. A combination of relentless rainy days, grandfather moved into our house, neverending adjustment, minor earthquake for three days straight, and staying sane above it all. It's been a pretty smooth transition, to say the least. Everything has been good, albeit not easy. But we thrive. My days are filled with mundane, boring routine (and cats, more cats) in which I am grateful for. One less thing to be frustrated on, no? And the blog has been taken quite a hit. I stopped updating monthly movie recap (please go to my letterboxd instead) because it feels too comfortable. I want to get back into the hang of writing usual monthly recap again. But alas, I failed on the first month already. I'm also behind on blog walking but I promise I'll get back to everyone real quick.

In the meantime, I hope you are well. And thank you for everything. Be back soon! 👌💓💋

more
A reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things
Please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
A few months ago, a friend LINE'd after a long time. We swapped stories and she asked what I've been doing. She laughed at the lack of traveling I did in the past year and compared me to another friend of ours' escapisms here and there. She said I need to sort out my priority to be able to travel. My response?

"That's the thing. I don't set my priority to travel."

Currently, there's this increasing trend among Indonesian people which is to travel someplace trending on Instagram. A trend in which always get my hardest laugh. Whenever there's a new 'it' places somewhere, rest be assured flock of people with their phones and SLRs will swarm the place. Not to mention there are so many cheap travel tours and packages nowadays, which make traveling super accessible for more people. Don't get me wrong, it's great to travel someplace new. It's lovely to see other places. I'd love to. Heck, give me time and money and health I'll go. Have opportunity, will travel.


But I also can't help but notice: traveling has become a trend.

It has become an identity. An explanation of ourselves. A symbol of existence. You're seen as how far you've gone.

Yet, to travel is a choice.

As it grows to be more accessible, people forgot that traveling itself is a privilege. Some sort of reward to ourselves. It should not and should never be a priority. Some people set a particular time in a year for leisure traveling, nothing wrong with that. It becomes wrong when people imposed the necessity of traveling to everyone. Even more so to impose it as a priority for everyone.

No.

As I think of the lack of traveling I had throughout the years, I constantly reminded that I am also privileged in another way. To be able to relax on the weekend without a pile of jobs waiting to be done by Monday. To be able to sleep eight hours a day without wake up every 2-3 hours for no reason. To enjoy the house and empty neighborhood on the weekend. To be able to do whatever the fuck I want on the weekend because I finally have all the time to myself. To chill. To be free to be me. To finally be apart from so many people.

I will forever envy all of my friends who could go here and there, filling their passport with stamps from various countries, posting their adventures. But to people who travel for the sake of being hip, for the love symbol they earned, to be regarded as matter yet laid waste in places they went to, no. Never. I couldn't care less.

So go. Go where no one has boldly gone before. Go where the swarm of people is. Go because you want to. Because it's a place you're dying to go to. But don't go to add to your mileage only. Don't go so that you'll get labeled as hip. Don't go to take a photo then put it on Instagram just to prove you made your mark. Go for your heart, not for the likes.


/


Simple Things: On Traveling

11/13/2017

,
A reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things
Please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
A few months ago, a friend LINE'd after a long time. We swapped stories and she asked what I've been doing. She laughed at the lack of traveling I did in the past year and compared me to another friend of ours' escapisms here and there. She said I need to sort out my priority to be able to travel. My response?

"That's the thing. I don't set my priority to travel."

Currently, there's this increasing trend among Indonesian people which is to travel someplace trending on Instagram. A trend in which always get my hardest laugh. Whenever there's a new 'it' places somewhere, rest be assured flock of people with their phones and SLRs will swarm the place. Not to mention there are so many cheap travel tours and packages nowadays, which make traveling super accessible for more people. Don't get me wrong, it's great to travel someplace new. It's lovely to see other places. I'd love to. Heck, give me time and money and health I'll go. Have opportunity, will travel.


But I also can't help but notice: traveling has become a trend.

It has become an identity. An explanation of ourselves. A symbol of existence. You're seen as how far you've gone.

Yet, to travel is a choice.

As it grows to be more accessible, people forgot that traveling itself is a privilege. Some sort of reward to ourselves. It should not and should never be a priority. Some people set a particular time in a year for leisure traveling, nothing wrong with that. It becomes wrong when people imposed the necessity of traveling to everyone. Even more so to impose it as a priority for everyone.

No.

As I think of the lack of traveling I had throughout the years, I constantly reminded that I am also privileged in another way. To be able to relax on the weekend without a pile of jobs waiting to be done by Monday. To be able to sleep eight hours a day without wake up every 2-3 hours for no reason. To enjoy the house and empty neighborhood on the weekend. To be able to do whatever the fuck I want on the weekend because I finally have all the time to myself. To chill. To be free to be me. To finally be apart from so many people.

I will forever envy all of my friends who could go here and there, filling their passport with stamps from various countries, posting their adventures. But to people who travel for the sake of being hip, for the love symbol they earned, to be regarded as matter yet laid waste in places they went to, no. Never. I couldn't care less.

So go. Go where no one has boldly gone before. Go where the swarm of people is. Go because you want to. Because it's a place you're dying to go to. But don't go to add to your mileage only. Don't go so that you'll get labeled as hip. Don't go to take a photo then put it on Instagram just to prove you made your mark. Go for your heart, not for the likes.


/


more


It was Ramadan.

Grandparents' house was a stone throw from mine so I always spend time after school there. Papa and Mama worked all day so me and brother always at grandparents'. Bro was out playing. I was watching TV.

"Hey, let's go home."

It was Mama.

She stood in her nightgown. That same old green nightgown I can't picture Mama without. She loved it so much. There was a smile as she held out her hand to meet mine. That very same hand she used to cuddle me through the night all those years. All the veins and softness.

I reached out and we walked home together.

We said nothing as the sun sets on the horizon. I held her hand close. She smiled throughout our walk, watching me. What was she thinking? Was she happy to see me? Or was she happy to take me home? Or was she happy that I'm her daughter?

I didn't ask. I held her hand tighter.

"I put my home in a person. An entity." - September 27th

9/27/2017

,


It was Ramadan.

Grandparents' house was a stone throw from mine so I always spend time after school there. Papa and Mama worked all day so me and brother always at grandparents'. Bro was out playing. I was watching TV.

"Hey, let's go home."

It was Mama.

She stood in her nightgown. That same old green nightgown I can't picture Mama without. She loved it so much. There was a smile as she held out her hand to meet mine. That very same hand she used to cuddle me through the night all those years. All the veins and softness.

I reached out and we walked home together.

We said nothing as the sun sets on the horizon. I held her hand close. She smiled throughout our walk, watching me. What was she thinking? Was she happy to see me? Or was she happy to take me home? Or was she happy that I'm her daughter?

I didn't ask. I held her hand tighter.
more


I watched Wonder Woman alone last Wednesday. A movie I've been so hyped for since knowing the last Chris remains ™ was taken by DC (so that Marvel doesn't have the complete set). Yes, I came for Chris Pine. But I'm not gonna lie. Gal Gadot's portrayal of Diana Prince a.k.a Wonder Woman on Batman v Superman last year was also the factor that dragged me to the cinema.

Seeing Gadot brought Diana to life in BvS was a major fangirl moment. Not gonna lie. She's strong, with a goddess-like stature and fights like a warrior. Saying she hard-carried BvS was also pretty apt to state. Somewhat a saving grace. I came out after feeling good and positive about the upcoming Wonder Woman movie.

It's proven right a year after.

But also there's this conflicted feeling. Hesitation, some sort, over Gadot.

Gadot is Israeli. An Israeli soldier before her Hollywood days. In her Facebook back in 2014, she posted support over Israelian military who fought over Hamas, Palestine. I'm not going to delve deeper on the subject of Palestine vs Israel because I believe you have access to Google. Also, Lebanon has banned any screening of Wonder Woman (FYI Gadot served in 2006 and during her period IDF killed 1100 Lebanese and injured 4400). This makes her a Zionist.

I'm not highly religious nor political person. But I'm not gonna lie that this issue shocked me a bit. I'm a woman, Muslim, and a moviegoer at that. I've turned a blind eye over so many things people in this industry have done but also supported the other lot (don't get me started on Casey Affleck controversy and how on earth Brie Larson should hand him the award). And this one issue also felt close because how come feminists chose to overlook this issue and coming over her shaved armpits instead? Is it because as long as she brought the character to justice? Do they realize by still consuming her works then there will be studios who are willing to overlook her beliefs as long as she makes money?

To quote Affinity:

How can you praise the new Wonder Woman movie when she is being played by someone who condones the horrible crimes committed by Israel for years? How can the new Wonder Woman be someone who dedicated a portion of her life to serving in that military, which goes against the character’s values and beliefs?

Isn't that the truth?

Are we being permissive because of those actors, those artists excelled in their field so that their belief shouldn't affect us from enjoying their works? The actor who abused a woman, the artist who have killed another man, the singer with tons of controversies, to other people who supported wrong beliefs yet still appear here and there just because there's a demand.

This is a question of integrity for some. Others chose to turn a blind eye. I am aware of my decision to watch Wonder Woman would get a side eye from some people. Currently, my feminist side is screaming, also the moviegoer in me is confused as hell. This post is all over the place and I'm aware of that. On the core, I'm still conflicted but I also know I have integrity, there are beliefs I fought and fight over, and I should've planted myself harder.

In short, a dilemma.


P. S. This post is nowhere made to discourage you from watching and I'm simply posting because I knew I'm not alone in this internal struggle. I'm open to disagreements and different perspective, not just on Gal Gadot but entertainers in general.

Should We Draw a Line Between Artist and Personal Controversy?

6/02/2017



I watched Wonder Woman alone last Wednesday. A movie I've been so hyped for since knowing the last Chris remains ™ was taken by DC (so that Marvel doesn't have the complete set). Yes, I came for Chris Pine. But I'm not gonna lie. Gal Gadot's portrayal of Diana Prince a.k.a Wonder Woman on Batman v Superman last year was also the factor that dragged me to the cinema.

Seeing Gadot brought Diana to life in BvS was a major fangirl moment. Not gonna lie. She's strong, with a goddess-like stature and fights like a warrior. Saying she hard-carried BvS was also pretty apt to state. Somewhat a saving grace. I came out after feeling good and positive about the upcoming Wonder Woman movie.

It's proven right a year after.

But also there's this conflicted feeling. Hesitation, some sort, over Gadot.

Gadot is Israeli. An Israeli soldier before her Hollywood days. In her Facebook back in 2014, she posted support over Israelian military who fought over Hamas, Palestine. I'm not going to delve deeper on the subject of Palestine vs Israel because I believe you have access to Google. Also, Lebanon has banned any screening of Wonder Woman (FYI Gadot served in 2006 and during her period IDF killed 1100 Lebanese and injured 4400). This makes her a Zionist.

I'm not highly religious nor political person. But I'm not gonna lie that this issue shocked me a bit. I'm a woman, Muslim, and a moviegoer at that. I've turned a blind eye over so many things people in this industry have done but also supported the other lot (don't get me started on Casey Affleck controversy and how on earth Brie Larson should hand him the award). And this one issue also felt close because how come feminists chose to overlook this issue and coming over her shaved armpits instead? Is it because as long as she brought the character to justice? Do they realize by still consuming her works then there will be studios who are willing to overlook her beliefs as long as she makes money?

To quote Affinity:

How can you praise the new Wonder Woman movie when she is being played by someone who condones the horrible crimes committed by Israel for years? How can the new Wonder Woman be someone who dedicated a portion of her life to serving in that military, which goes against the character’s values and beliefs?

Isn't that the truth?

Are we being permissive because of those actors, those artists excelled in their field so that their belief shouldn't affect us from enjoying their works? The actor who abused a woman, the artist who have killed another man, the singer with tons of controversies, to other people who supported wrong beliefs yet still appear here and there just because there's a demand.

This is a question of integrity for some. Others chose to turn a blind eye. I am aware of my decision to watch Wonder Woman would get a side eye from some people. Currently, my feminist side is screaming, also the moviegoer in me is confused as hell. This post is all over the place and I'm aware of that. On the core, I'm still conflicted but I also know I have integrity, there are beliefs I fought and fight over, and I should've planted myself harder.

In short, a dilemma.


P. S. This post is nowhere made to discourage you from watching and I'm simply posting because I knew I'm not alone in this internal struggle. I'm open to disagreements and different perspective, not just on Gal Gadot but entertainers in general.
more


Guess I should give some heads up on things changing on this blog as of late. Nothing major, though. But grab some coffee indeed. Let's have a chat here.

Around Here

5/30/2017

,


Guess I should give some heads up on things changing on this blog as of late. Nothing major, though. But grab some coffee indeed. Let's have a chat here.

more
Photo by Green Chameleon. Taken from Unsplash.com
Photo by Green Chameleon. Taken from Unsplash.com

It just felt silly.

One day I woke up with a realization that maybe being so honest about my days wasn't a good idea. Despite me trying to limit everything I shared here, I still feel like I let the readers know a little too much. What if my true intention of sharing never really transmitted well? What if some people I knew actually laugh seeing my misfortunes?

And everything scares me.

On Highs and Lows

4/28/2017

, , ,
Photo by Green Chameleon. Taken from Unsplash.com
Photo by Green Chameleon. Taken from Unsplash.com

It just felt silly.

One day I woke up with a realization that maybe being so honest about my days wasn't a good idea. Despite me trying to limit everything I shared here, I still feel like I let the readers know a little too much. What if my true intention of sharing never really transmitted well? What if some people I knew actually laugh seeing my misfortunes?

And everything scares me.

more
Photo by Ishan @seefromthesky. Taken from Unsplash.com
Photo by Ishan @seefromthesky. Taken from Unsplash.com

I lost count how many strangers asked me the same thing.

When will you get married?
Don't you want to get married?
Are you not interested in marriage?

Apparently being 28 and not having a spouse is considered freak of nature these days.

Stop Asking When Will I Get Married, Dammit

3/23/2017

Photo by Ishan @seefromthesky. Taken from Unsplash.com
Photo by Ishan @seefromthesky. Taken from Unsplash.com

I lost count how many strangers asked me the same thing.

When will you get married?
Don't you want to get married?
Are you not interested in marriage?

Apparently being 28 and not having a spouse is considered freak of nature these days.

more


This might sound weird but it's safe to say that I'm in an okay phase of life.

Originally, I was going to post a long ass pitiful story but then I realized, I'm not in that phase anymore. As in, I'm pretty okay with whatever life is going to throw me at this period of my life. Like a badminton match, I kinda figured how to deliver a return shot at life, be it a smash or a soft serve. I'm not exactly live a happy, settled, secured life that I wanted it to be, but hey, at least I'm on my way. I am privileged enough to live this far. To experience both sides of the coin in my timespan and learn a lot to apply them in the future. And I'm grateful to be surrounded by amazing people who loved me back.

There are so many great things waiting ahead of me and I can't wait to experience them all.

Thank you for everything 🎂🍻🎉

P. S. Re-reading the comments got me all teared up. I have amazing friends with equally amazing way of words and flawless soul with lotsa love to share 😭💟

28

2/17/2017

,


This might sound weird but it's safe to say that I'm in an okay phase of life.

Originally, I was going to post a long ass pitiful story but then I realized, I'm not in that phase anymore. As in, I'm pretty okay with whatever life is going to throw me at this period of my life. Like a badminton match, I kinda figured how to deliver a return shot at life, be it a smash or a soft serve. I'm not exactly live a happy, settled, secured life that I wanted it to be, but hey, at least I'm on my way. I am privileged enough to live this far. To experience both sides of the coin in my timespan and learn a lot to apply them in the future. And I'm grateful to be surrounded by amazing people who loved me back.

There are so many great things waiting ahead of me and I can't wait to experience them all.

Thank you for everything 🎂🍻🎉

P. S. Re-reading the comments got me all teared up. I have amazing friends with equally amazing way of words and flawless soul with lotsa love to share 😭💟
more
Photo by Ian Schneider taken from Unsplash.com

A reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things
Please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
I love to answer stuff in Quora. Basically, a place where all the civilized, smart people live, without the dirty anonymous stuff (glaring at you, Ask.FM and CuriousCat).

A question I answered a while ago was, What are things that you don't know how to do that most people know?

Some answered lightly. Ranging from the inability to follow direction to disorientation and to tie a tie and using the chopstick. My answer?

How to make friends and keeping them.

Simple Things: On Friendship

11/22/2016

,
Photo by Ian Schneider taken from Unsplash.com

A reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things
Please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
I love to answer stuff in Quora. Basically, a place where all the civilized, smart people live, without the dirty anonymous stuff (glaring at you, Ask.FM and CuriousCat).

A question I answered a while ago was, What are things that you don't know how to do that most people know?

Some answered lightly. Ranging from the inability to follow direction to disorientation and to tie a tie and using the chopstick. My answer?

How to make friends and keeping them.

more

Believe it or not, I have at least 10 drafted posts in the dashboard, waiting to be published. I don't know if it's because of whatever happened nowadays, but I kept having this urge to post something lighter. It's lovely to see such, don't you think? So here you go, my current home screen and lock screen. My current phone is LG Stylus 2.

L O C K S C R E E N ; It's Jane's photo from this post! It's so good I know I just have to save and use it as my lock screen. I find that using photos of sea or beach make me feel calm instantly so I use those photos a lot. The bluer the wallpaper is, the calmer I feel.

H O M E S C R E E N ; I changed my home screen wallpaper a lot just like I change my blog's layout. In a week, I could change my wallpaper everyday. Currently it's this photo of Wendy and Joy of Red Velvet taken in Pepero Day (November 11th). It just look so cute I have to change my previous wallpaper. Somehow it fits the holiday mood, isn't it? Somewhat festive and rather Christmas-y. I feel warm just by looking at it. There's also weather widget in which I use more for the clock and 360 Security Lite booster to speed up my phone.

My to-go source for wallpaper is LINE Deco. It has good wallpaper photos from everywhere, anything you want, with size that fits your screen. It also has many widgets if you're into customizing your own phone. I like it. Other than that, I usually use wallpapers from everywhere. Blogs, sites, comics, or snaps from my daily life.

Consider yourself tagged. What's your current home screen and lock screen? Please do it in your blog or show me in comment section! :D

Current Home and Lock Screen

11/16/2016

,

Believe it or not, I have at least 10 drafted posts in the dashboard, waiting to be published. I don't know if it's because of whatever happened nowadays, but I kept having this urge to post something lighter. It's lovely to see such, don't you think? So here you go, my current home screen and lock screen. My current phone is LG Stylus 2.

L O C K S C R E E N ; It's Jane's photo from this post! It's so good I know I just have to save and use it as my lock screen. I find that using photos of sea or beach make me feel calm instantly so I use those photos a lot. The bluer the wallpaper is, the calmer I feel.

H O M E S C R E E N ; I changed my home screen wallpaper a lot just like I change my blog's layout. In a week, I could change my wallpaper everyday. Currently it's this photo of Wendy and Joy of Red Velvet taken in Pepero Day (November 11th). It just look so cute I have to change my previous wallpaper. Somehow it fits the holiday mood, isn't it? Somewhat festive and rather Christmas-y. I feel warm just by looking at it. There's also weather widget in which I use more for the clock and 360 Security Lite booster to speed up my phone.

My to-go source for wallpaper is LINE Deco. It has good wallpaper photos from everywhere, anything you want, with size that fits your screen. It also has many widgets if you're into customizing your own phone. I like it. Other than that, I usually use wallpapers from everywhere. Blogs, sites, comics, or snaps from my daily life.

Consider yourself tagged. What's your current home screen and lock screen? Please do it in your blog or show me in comment section! :D
more

Photo by Jean Gerber. taken from Unsplash.com

I try to keep this blog politic-free, despite it's one of my favorite thing to discuss in the world (good luck guessing what number one is). But after what happened last Wednesday, I can't help but feel my heart sank. The election result unfolded in front of my eyes was the equivalent of someone taking all the puppies and kitties and replaced them with rows of horrible distorted pumpkin. My heart sank. I feel hopeless. A bunch of negative thoughts popped up in my head. And I'm not even American.

But you know what people say. America sneezes, and the rest of the world caught flu.

Along with change, sooner or later it will take effect. And it will effect everyone in the world, you, who read this, included. But you know what? Things aren't over. All of the good and more sane people is still here, still continue to fight. Still continue to make things right. And with other barriers being broken, rest assured we still have one hand on the wheel. Eventhough we couldn't control everything.

This is a quote that helped me getting through every dark days. Days where the negatives seem to take control. Days where nothing seem to go right. I hope you will find strength from this quote and continue to fight. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”

It's easy to feel hopeful on a beautiful day like today, but there will be dark days ahead of us too. There will be days where you feel all alone, and that's when hope is needed most. No matter how buried it gets, or how lost you feel, you must promise me that you will hold on to hope. Keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. My wish for you is to become hope; people need that. And even if we fail, what better way is there to live? As we look around here today, at all of the people who helped make us who we are, I know it feels like we're saying goodbye, but we will carry a piece of each other into everything that we do next, to remind us of who we are, and of who we're meant to be.
— Gwen Stacey, Amazing Spider-Man 2


We're in this Together

11/11/2016


Photo by Jean Gerber. taken from Unsplash.com

I try to keep this blog politic-free, despite it's one of my favorite thing to discuss in the world (good luck guessing what number one is). But after what happened last Wednesday, I can't help but feel my heart sank. The election result unfolded in front of my eyes was the equivalent of someone taking all the puppies and kitties and replaced them with rows of horrible distorted pumpkin. My heart sank. I feel hopeless. A bunch of negative thoughts popped up in my head. And I'm not even American.

But you know what people say. America sneezes, and the rest of the world caught flu.

Along with change, sooner or later it will take effect. And it will effect everyone in the world, you, who read this, included. But you know what? Things aren't over. All of the good and more sane people is still here, still continue to fight. Still continue to make things right. And with other barriers being broken, rest assured we still have one hand on the wheel. Eventhough we couldn't control everything.

This is a quote that helped me getting through every dark days. Days where the negatives seem to take control. Days where nothing seem to go right. I hope you will find strength from this quote and continue to fight. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”

It's easy to feel hopeful on a beautiful day like today, but there will be dark days ahead of us too. There will be days where you feel all alone, and that's when hope is needed most. No matter how buried it gets, or how lost you feel, you must promise me that you will hold on to hope. Keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. My wish for you is to become hope; people need that. And even if we fail, what better way is there to live? As we look around here today, at all of the people who helped make us who we are, I know it feels like we're saying goodbye, but we will carry a piece of each other into everything that we do next, to remind us of who we are, and of who we're meant to be.
— Gwen Stacey, Amazing Spider-Man 2


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My childhood was summed in one sentence from a manga.

"My world is a place where all of my loved ones live. If they're not there, my world simply not exists."

My youth was me, living half a life, because my world crumbled bits by bits before it finally perishes on one fateful afternoon of September 27th, 2002.


September 27th

9/27/2016

,


My childhood was summed in one sentence from a manga.

"My world is a place where all of my loved ones live. If they're not there, my world simply not exists."

My youth was me, living half a life, because my world crumbled bits by bits before it finally perishes on one fateful afternoon of September 27th, 2002.


more

photo by Li Yang. taken from Unsplash.com

Sometimes I wonder if adult life is supposed to be this confusing. This lonely. This lost. This hard. This sad. This tired. This painful. This uneasy. This unfulfilling. This unsatisfying.

Probably I took the wrong path?

I was thinking why I took it harder this time. I was at my down and lowest. Everything seems to go unwell and too much. Life, work, friendship, family. Everything. All is overwhelming. That's a lot to endure. And probably sounds silly to put it all in this blog because who the fuck read about personal thing, nowadays? Who treat their blog as their diary and not a space to show off? But then again, I don't want to remember as someone I'm not. I'm raw, brutally honest, outspoken, no is a no, a caution to stay away at one's loudest. I have trust issues, I hate 99% of the population. But I'm also shouting don't leave me alone. I put up walls and gates and doors but also throw away the keys to everyone.

I'm going to put those up as my intro. Yeah.

I'm sorry. For posting such negative things while everyone seem to enjoy life and here I am being as gloomy as the weather. The weather got me. Depression and anxiety got me. Every negative vibes got me. Here's a playlist. Enjoy.

Have a better day/week/month/year.

* 10-10 is police code for "fight in progress". Which is ill-fitting to my condition right now. Also I'm drowning in everything. But I still have fight in me, in which I can only do my best.
** Just a heads up: next week will be more gloomy.
*** And probably a new layout too. Sorry.
**** Being INFP and aquarius and blood type o at the same time sucks.

10-10

9/19/2016

,

photo by Li Yang. taken from Unsplash.com

Sometimes I wonder if adult life is supposed to be this confusing. This lonely. This lost. This hard. This sad. This tired. This painful. This uneasy. This unfulfilling. This unsatisfying.

Probably I took the wrong path?

I was thinking why I took it harder this time. I was at my down and lowest. Everything seems to go unwell and too much. Life, work, friendship, family. Everything. All is overwhelming. That's a lot to endure. And probably sounds silly to put it all in this blog because who the fuck read about personal thing, nowadays? Who treat their blog as their diary and not a space to show off? But then again, I don't want to remember as someone I'm not. I'm raw, brutally honest, outspoken, no is a no, a caution to stay away at one's loudest. I have trust issues, I hate 99% of the population. But I'm also shouting don't leave me alone. I put up walls and gates and doors but also throw away the keys to everyone.

I'm going to put those up as my intro. Yeah.

I'm sorry. For posting such negative things while everyone seem to enjoy life and here I am being as gloomy as the weather. The weather got me. Depression and anxiety got me. Every negative vibes got me. Here's a playlist. Enjoy.

Have a better day/week/month/year.

* 10-10 is police code for "fight in progress". Which is ill-fitting to my condition right now. Also I'm drowning in everything. But I still have fight in me, in which I can only do my best.
** Just a heads up: next week will be more gloomy.
*** And probably a new layout too. Sorry.
**** Being INFP and aquarius and blood type o at the same time sucks.

more


There's always something about the entertainment industry that fascinates me. How it keeps coming with a fresh break, a better 'recycle', and all the buzz that follows. Being an entertainment lover, it's somehow appropriate enough to put on a list of my favorite things about it. Here you go.

10 Things about Me (Entertainment Edition)

8/25/2016

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There's always something about the entertainment industry that fascinates me. How it keeps coming with a fresh break, a better 'recycle', and all the buzz that follows. Being an entertainment lover, it's somehow appropriate enough to put on a list of my favorite things about it. Here you go.

more
Picture courtesy of negativespace
a reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things
Please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
There's a saying that "You become an adult when you forgive your parents for loving you the way they did rather than the way you want them to."

I wish there was a handbook on how to love your parents properly. The actual correct way. Will there ever be? Is there ever any?

We love our parents in the way we want to. By kissing them in the morning before school or work. By endless and relentless or sometimes careless texts and phonecalls. By telling them you're having cold and wishing they were here to take care of us. By constant worry when you're living far from them, wondering if they're alright. By staying up late waiting for them to come home from work, along with tea and warm bath. By eating the meal they cooked until none left on the plate despite you're angry because they misplaced your favorite sock. By going to their graves every month or on their birthday. By keeping them in your prayers every night.

Maybe there will never be a correct way. So just love them. Love until there's no love to give. Love them while they're here. Love them when they're not here anymore.

Your love and compassion will get through somehow.


Simple Things: On Loving and Keep On Loving

3/29/2016

,
Picture courtesy of negativespace
a reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things
Please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
There's a saying that "You become an adult when you forgive your parents for loving you the way they did rather than the way you want them to."

I wish there was a handbook on how to love your parents properly. The actual correct way. Will there ever be? Is there ever any?

We love our parents in the way we want to. By kissing them in the morning before school or work. By endless and relentless or sometimes careless texts and phonecalls. By telling them you're having cold and wishing they were here to take care of us. By constant worry when you're living far from them, wondering if they're alright. By staying up late waiting for them to come home from work, along with tea and warm bath. By eating the meal they cooked until none left on the plate despite you're angry because they misplaced your favorite sock. By going to their graves every month or on their birthday. By keeping them in your prayers every night.

Maybe there will never be a correct way. So just love them. Love until there's no love to give. Love them while they're here. Love them when they're not here anymore.

Your love and compassion will get through somehow.


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on being a year older
it was days before my birthday. i wept hard, thinking i failed my dad and late mom as a good daughter, and my brother for not being such unstable-non-dependable sister, and myself for not being able to fulfill my dreams and hopes and goals. i wept again, repeating strings of "i'm sorry" until i fell asleep and my eyes are swollen the next morning.

it was weeks before my birthday. i looked at myself in the mirror and thinking of how skinny i am. how horrible my uneven skintone was. all of my scars. but then i settled to just wash my hair and put some makeup on so that i'd feel better. it did. but i still feel empty.

it was days before my birthday. i was thinking to get a cake. maybe with beer. maybe installing tinder to find any available hunk nearby. to assure that i won't spend my birthday night alone. but then my brother called and i remember to buy him burgers. at least i know who i will spend my birthday night with.

it's hours before my birthday. i'm still working. typing subtitles while thinking over the now half-empty room. my workmates have gone to better places with better salary. why am i still here? i thought to myself. it's because you haven't got your undergraduate degree. who would want a short, non-attractive girl with high school degree? i agreed. but then making mental note to work harder and get more money so i can go to college again. at least i work in job that i actually love and enjoy (no matter how shitty it can be).

it's minutes before my birthday. i'm thinking and jotting down my life goals for a better 27 year old me. i was thinking to save up and travel around the world. or be an in-house translator. i don't know. i'm writing every single goals i can think of. trying to be positive. the least i can do is to start this year in better mood.

it's my birthday. february 16th. officially 27 years old.

27. bitter. lost. lonely. hopeful.

and things are only going to be better from now on.

27

2/16/2016

,
on being a year older
it was days before my birthday. i wept hard, thinking i failed my dad and late mom as a good daughter, and my brother for not being such unstable-non-dependable sister, and myself for not being able to fulfill my dreams and hopes and goals. i wept again, repeating strings of "i'm sorry" until i fell asleep and my eyes are swollen the next morning.

it was weeks before my birthday. i looked at myself in the mirror and thinking of how skinny i am. how horrible my uneven skintone was. all of my scars. but then i settled to just wash my hair and put some makeup on so that i'd feel better. it did. but i still feel empty.

it was days before my birthday. i was thinking to get a cake. maybe with beer. maybe installing tinder to find any available hunk nearby. to assure that i won't spend my birthday night alone. but then my brother called and i remember to buy him burgers. at least i know who i will spend my birthday night with.

it's hours before my birthday. i'm still working. typing subtitles while thinking over the now half-empty room. my workmates have gone to better places with better salary. why am i still here? i thought to myself. it's because you haven't got your undergraduate degree. who would want a short, non-attractive girl with high school degree? i agreed. but then making mental note to work harder and get more money so i can go to college again. at least i work in job that i actually love and enjoy (no matter how shitty it can be).

it's minutes before my birthday. i'm thinking and jotting down my life goals for a better 27 year old me. i was thinking to save up and travel around the world. or be an in-house translator. i don't know. i'm writing every single goals i can think of. trying to be positive. the least i can do is to start this year in better mood.

it's my birthday. february 16th. officially 27 years old.

27. bitter. lost. lonely. hopeful.

and things are only going to be better from now on.
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